Mom went through a series of 10 radiation treatments that were designed to help with the symptoms the tumors were causing. For the time being. Mom had her last treatment on Thursday August 14. She was so weak and tired. It took ever ounce of energy that she had to pull herself up into the Escalade. Even the time spent on the ride up there and back was energy zapping. Every day after the treatment we would leave and stop by to see Lisa at her work and then stop at Philips for some fried corn nuggets, or fried Okra or a good old traditional hamburger and a big glass of iced sweet tea. Mom would eat those nuggets dipped in ranch dressing or comeback sauce as I drove her home. When we arrived back home, I would get her back inside and into her chair and she would lay back and take a long nap. I was so glad when the final treatment was over. It meant that I would not have to make her get back into the truck for another long energy zapping trip.
Nobody should have to go through what this
angel is going through. Cancer is such a gruel and hateful disease. This
journey that the three of us are on is heartbreaking to say the least. My mom
is the strongest person I have ever known . I only hope I can be half the woman
she is. Love this precious lady !!!!
Graduated from radiology and got to bring home
her mask
The mask was made the first day. it is made from a mesh that is dipped in hot water and then draped on her face. It had pieces of tape on it in various places marking where the radiation would be applied. For each treatment she lay on a table and the mask was placed over her head and then it snapped into the table so that she could not move during the treatment. This poor little woman is as claustrophobic as can be and it took a lot of courage to go through that for ten days. She was given her mask on the last day and her Certificate of Achievement for finishing. They also gave her a little soft blanket and a beautiful olive wood 'holding' cross. I find Mom sleeping with that beautiful cross tightly gripped in her hand.
She is clothed in strength and dignity and she
laughs without fear of the future . Proverbs 31:25.
Mom’s hair started falling out 2 days after her last radiation
treatment….exactly like the doctor said it would. She was complaining on Friday that her head
was hurting but it was her scalp that was so sore. We kept checking and there was no loose hair. I did notice it was laying on her scalp
differently. Saturday night while Lisa was staying with mom, she gave her a
shower. Mom noticed the water was
rising in the tub and she asked if the drain was stopped up. When Lisa reached down to check the drain she
was shocked to find hair. She checked
the back of Moms head and saw the bald spots.
As soon as water had hit Moms hair, it released from her scalp. Linda Jane came after church on Sunday afternoon to shave Mom’s
head. She has the prettiest, roundest
head. No lumpy bumpy heads for this
spunky little woman….
Her hair is growing back but not all over. she has a little mohawk. We don't think it is going to grow back completely but we haven't really expressed that thought with Mom. She sits and pulls on the hair that is there trying to stretch it she says. Lisa brought her a little soft baby hair brush and we massage baby oil on her scalp and then gently brush her scalp with that soft little brush. She closes her eyes and smiles as we do that. She enjoys the feeling of the brush on her skin.
Vonda Tedford Keon Aug. 18 2014 Miss Priss today. I
asked momma if she had a bucket list because if she did I was going to do my
darnedest to make it happen. She was thoughtful for a while then she said,
"I have done and seen everything I ever wanted with your Daddy. Now I want
to finish my life with dignity." Well Mom we will make that so! Love this
tiger mama! —
Mom hasn't had the best of days energy wise.
But let me tell you... for dinner she ate a whole grilled hamburger, with baked
beans, chips and lots of sweet pickles. Then she ate a chocolate cookie and a
huge piece of warm chocolate pie with a glass of cold milk! Lisa Tedford Norwood and I were giggling watching her enjoy the tastes. She was
savoring each and every bite.
Mom woke me at 6 with a sweet "I love you".
I was thinking to myself wonder what comes next.... "I sure would like a
fluffy biscuit and some pepper gravy". Yep pegged it.
Our hospice nurse told
us that she was a cancer survivor and when she was taking her treatments, food
didn’t taste right and for some reason, grilling food over flames enhanced
flavors, so we have used the grill as much as possible. She has a great appetite partially because of
the steroids that she takes to relieve the cranial pressure. She eats pretty much anything that we put in
front of her. Chicken and dressing,
roast and potatoes, various soups, especially potato soup, cobblers, cookies,
fried pies, and chocolate brownies. Many many chocolate brownies. She is making up for lost time on chocolate
since it was a trigger for 20 years of migraines!
Lord bless my little tired and sick momma.
I've got to ease her glasses off!
August 24 Sitting here watching
my sweet mom sleep. She seems to be sleeping more than waking now. I'm just
going to tuck in the blanket around her and let her get all the rest she wants.
So
tonight I'm searching my heart for answers about something and she looks me in
the eye with that sweet sweet smile on her face and quietly says, if you don't
feel the happiness then don’t do it.
Funny how things trigger memories. This is a
Japanese persimmon tree in moms yard. My dad brought the seeds back from Japan
years ago and planted this tree. He was so excited when it came up. I picked
one and cut it up for mom. When I told her it's fruit from the tree dad
planted she just smiled and took a bite and savored the sweet taste. She
thought of dad too. Mercy how she loved that man . We both had that sweet
memory from that one little persimmon tree
So I've taken this advice . Friday was my last
day at work. Not exactly how I had it planned but life throws you curves
sometimes. My life will be centered around my precious mom and spending all the
sweet time with her I can. Life is too short , time is precious and memories
are something no one can take from me. I'm not sure at all what the future
holds but God is in control. I've turned it all over to Him. He will provide.
Good Sunday morning. What a beautiful day it
will be. Mom and I are having big ole fat cinnamon rolls and coffee at 4:00
this morning. She's being an early bird
While Lisa Tedford Norwood goes to church getting her spiritual
nourishment for the week ahead, I'm sitting watching our sweet momma sleep the
restless sleep of someone in pain. Pray for my sister and I as we start a new
phase of our caretaker journey this week. Lisa will be here caring for mom
during the day time hours and I will be coming in for the night shift. We are
just taking this journey with Mom one moment at a time and holding each
precious minute we have in our hearts. We know how to work solo and as a team
and to be the strong one for each other and for Mom. And yes I also get my
spiritual nourishment also.
Mom asked for salt cured ham and biscuits with
red-eye gravy. I have never made red eye gravy but what Mom wants Mom is gonna
get. Good thing I always have some hot coffee handy since that is an important
ingredient! She ate it all so I think that it was a success!
I get "the look" when it's pill taking
time too. Bless her heart! Love my sweet mama!
Well this is the face
I got from my sis when I told here she could have dessert if she took her
pills. I love her!!
Some weekends, Moms baby sister Elizabeth comes to give me and Lisa a break. Liz is a retired nurse practitioner and retired missionary. Liz took this photo of mom when she started to hand mom her morning pills. Mom is so tired of taking pills but she doesn't want to hurt so she does. But she is quick to tell you that she absolutely hates them!
Got the windows up feeling the crisp air and
listening to the birds sing . Beautiful morning with my angel !!! — at Miss Jimmie's.
Today Lisa starts spending days with our sweet
little Mom and I take the nights. Mom just wakes up so sweet with a big smile
and little wave and a good morning I love you...I want a cup of coffee.
This journey of Moms affects everyone. The granddaughters are having a hard time with the notion of losing their last grand parent.
This is for my grandmother,
watching her fight cancer has been one of the toughest things my family has
ever been through. She started out with colon cancer and had surgery to have it
removed...a short time later the doctor told us that it had spread to her
brain and it is VERY aggressive. They gave her a short time to live and we are
cherishing every second of it. I cannot even fathom what she is going though
emotionally. I can see the physical side of it. She rarely feels well and her
mobility is slowly slipping away from her...but she almost always has that
precious smile on her face and she looks super precious with her bald little
head! I have watched two people close to me fight cancer now, my mother who is
one of the strongest breast cancer survivors I've ever met...and my grandmother
who I am slowly watching slip away everyday. I don't know what I would do
without my mother and aunt being so strong in helping my grandmother throughout
this terrible battle. This is not the way I wanted to lose my grandmother, not
with her in constant pain and something slowly eating away at her. But I thank
god for all 22yrs that I have had her in my life. I thank him for her guidance
and her helping me through things when I didn't want to talk to anyone
else...and most of all I thank god for giving me the strongest women I have
ever met and for allowing me to call her grandmommy. There are days when I
don't deserve her, but The Lord gave me her anyway. I love you
Grandmommy!
It's strange how time can
pass fast and slow at the same time. Life on this earth is so short and some
days it seems to just fly by. Others like today are in slow motion for me. When
you stop and take the time to cherish every second you have it's amazing what
you see and appreciate. It's like being in slow motion and everything and
everyone else around you is in fast forward. Looking out the window the leaves
are moving so gently and the birds are singing away , the air smells so good
and the sky is gorgeous today .At the same time I'm sitting here taking in moms
every movement. But it's like I'm cataloging everything that
is so her. When she blinks , I watch her lashes flutter , that smile she gives
me everytime I stick my head through the door is burned in my mind . When she
waves that little wave she does I see it move so slow. I watch and listen in
the quietness to every breath she takes while she naps , watching her chest
rise and fall. I love her hands , the years of hard work and caring for her family
are so evident in those frail little things. There has been many a pat or sweet
touch from them. Strong once but so weak now but always in the Bible . Wrinkled
from time but Beautiful just the same. She has such a strong faith and says she
will never give up. We love our mom ,Vonda
Tedford Keon and I. She's the glue that has held it all
together for us. I don't mean to bore anyone with my rambling on . I know that
others are going through storms themselves. It's true I share too much
sometimes but that is just the way I
am , if I feel it I don't hold it in So, with all this said I just want to
share what this journey has taught me .I Just want you to stop your busy day
every now and then and enjoy your loved ones , tell them You love them and what
they mean to you. Don't say to yourself oh I'll do it tomorrow. I'm too busy
today. Life is like a vapor. Here one second and gone the next. Storms are for
a reason. You always come out of them stronger and smarter than you were
before. You can't move mountains digging away with a spoon , let your friends
help you with their shovel and together you can make a dent in that mountain
you are facing . What I'm trying to say in all of this is, Love life , love one
another and tell them how much . Lean on your real friends and let them help .
Have a strong faith in God ,Have fun and laugh and cherish Every Single
Day
As the evening goes on and the Storage Wars is
on the television as background noise, I sit here listening to my dear mom sleep.
Not watching you understand. She absolutely cannot handle waking up and finding
someone looking at her. She is a tough little woman and all of her life, if she
was in pain, she would work through it instead of taking something to alleviate
the pain. That stubbornness along with the fact that red haired people are
harder to ease pain in, is something my sister Lisa Tedford Norwood, and I are constantly trying to work with. Mom doesn't always
want to take a pain pill, thinking she can push through it. While I am glad she
is still fighting this damned disease that is ravaging her poor little body, I
gently plead with her to take the medication even if she does say it's a 3 out
of 10. We have already learned her pain can escalate as fast as my Mustang can
go from 0 to 60! I don't want to think about what lies ahead of us. My sister
and I know that our time with Mom is nearing its end. That saddens us but it is
our privilege and honor to serve her and care for her as she makes her
transition from this life into the next. I love that precious smile she flashes
at us as she reaches for our hand when we come in. I love to nuzzle her sweet
bald head and rub baby oil on the spikey hair that is growing in patches.
Sometimes she will look at me, tears welling in those precious hazel eyes and
ask me if she is going to get better. It tears me apart as I search for the
right words. There is much truth in the phrase "tears of a clown".
Another Beautiful day. Mom and Lisa Tedford Norwood got a great big belly laugh at my expense this morning.
Why is it that the best and deepest sleep comes after you hit the snooze
button. Lisa was at the back door calling for me to let her in and I shot
straight up off the couch with my hair all runched up and drool running down
one side of my face yelling "is it time!?" not a pretty sight! Got my
heart to pumping for sure!
Sept. 17 2014 What a way to start her day. Mom said to tell
you they are beautiful and she's not confused anymore — with Jesse
Quillen at Miss Jimmie's.
Mom and I had a good day today. Well as good
as is possible right now. I made her favorite chicken salad for her lunch , she
had brownies and a homemade strawberry milkshake ! Hit the spot she said. She
got flowers from a dear special friend of hers Jesse Quillen. Had a couple of visitors that made her smile and laugh. She
loves to reminisce about old times. The whole time I watched her
smile through the pain. Never once making a sound. Apologizing to me for putting
my sister and I through this. We told her we're gonna love her through this.
God is preparing her mansion in Heaven. He's not through yet , and until He is
we're gonna love her through this. When I left this afternoon to switch shifts
with Vonda Tedford Keon I leaned down to kiss that sweet head
and she whispered I'm not ready for you to go. I smiled and thought to myself
I'm not ready for you to go either .
Mother gives us a smile like this crazy dog when she gets anything chocolate. She loves my sisters brownies. We keep a batch of warm brownies just for her ready at all times. God help you if you try to sneak a bite of HER brownies. you will draw back a nub. She could not eat chocolate for over 20 years because it triggered migraine headaches. now she is catching up on all the chocolate she can eat!
10 hours ago Sept..17 2014
Mom is resting.... and I can't. I'm just
listening to her breathing as she goes from long deep breaths to noisy ragged
ones. Then she changes starts quiet shallow. I play a lot of solitaire and word
searches in between journaling and praying.
13 hours ago Sept. 17, 2014
It's taken us ( Lisa
Tedford Norwood and me) a couple of days to keep on top of the
timing but we finally got Mom to listen about the pain control. She's resting
peacefully at the moment. She woke up once and wanted something to drink. Said
she didn’t hurt but sure didn't feel good. I'll take that. We just don't want
her to hurt.
September 18, 2014 10:30pm. Mom is resting. From the sound of her breathing, it appears
she is resting peacefully. At least she
isn’t talking in her sleep or groaning.
It bothers us so much that she is hurting. Mom is so old school about pushing through
the pain. Its been tough on everyone to
convince her that she needs to take the pain medication regularly and not to
skip it. At first she wasn’t in pain all
the time, but now as the cancer progresses and spreads she is hurting all over.
Nighttime. Keeper of our Angel time. Waking
her to take her final handful of meds for the night. Tucking her in and kissing
her little bald head. Surrounding her with pillows so she will be comfortable.
Letting her hold my hand with that tight little grip till she falls asleep.
While she softly whispers I love you !! I love you too angel. This folks is
real life. Real love . Real hard . Life is like a vapor. Here one minute and gone
the next . God is preparing her a mansion in Heaven but it's not complete yet.
So until then we're gonna love her through this. God Bless
to be continued......
