Monday, February 16, 2009

I wanna be a deer and not a fat grumpy bear

Blogging from Bruce
February 16 2009

I hate diets. I love food but I hate diets. You know the kind that promises that if you spend mega bucks on this food or that food or this pill/supplement of eat this like the ‘stars’ do after just 2 weeks look just like their glorious emaciated bodies. Ha! Yeah right.

I am just like every other woman that has hit the over fifty age mark. After having two children and working at jobs where I sit on my tushie most of the day, my metabolism has slowed to a snails pace. It seems that every bite I take ends up putting a bit more ‘junk in my trunk’ than I really want to lug around. A tummy tuck and butt lift is fine on TV but out of the question for me. I am sorry. I will own up to reconstruction surgery after my mastectomy but I gotta tell ya, after the pain I experienced for the year that the reconstruction went on, I will not be doing any kind of rearranging or reduction of my body flab that involves being put to sleep, scalpels or crazy dream inducing drugs!

I know people that have tried Jenny Craig and Nutri-system and it worked great for the couple of months until they could not stand the cardboard and soy bean tastes any longer. I have seen some people cut out all carbs and eat only meat, I have seen some that cut out meats and proteins and eat only veggies. I’ve seen the cabbage soup diet which is a particularly nasty one and I love cabbage. The ‘negative calorie diet’ is out there and I can’t figure that one out unless it’s the old “does drinking a Diet Coke cancel out the calories of this mega jumbo Snickers bar that I am going to cram in my mouth!” diet.

Hollywood Diet, South Beach Diet, Slim Fast Diet, Special K Diet, Atkins Diet, Herbal Life Diet, Rachel Rays Diet, Oprah’s Diet (that one is going to full you up and out from the looks of her and she has a personal cook!) The list can go on and on. I have come to the conclusion that these are all just quick fixes and not even a fix at that. There is a good solution if people would just do it.

Many years ago I found out I was hypoglycemic. That means my blood sugar is chronically lower that it should be. If I want to feel good and be at my best, I need to eat small portions of something 6 or 7 times a day. In other words, I need to ‘graze’. Over the last few years I have gotten away from the grazing and started eating 3 big meals and that is when the scales started tipping against me.

I think the time has come for me to start grazing like the many deer I see standing on the roadside instead of eating like bear going into hibernation mode! You may laugh, but it actually makes sense. Just take a look at the animal world. A deer is svelte, toned and strong. He grazes on grass intermittently throughout the day. A bear, on the other hand, eats with a hunter-gatherer frame of mind, meaning that he stocks up every time he eats to get himself ready for the winter fast.

As humans, we're really more like the deer when you think about it. We have food stores at our disposal. Everywhere we turn there's a 24-hour grocery store, coffee shop or burger joint for our feasting enjoyment. However, the majority of the population is obese because we eat like bears as if every meal were our last. It's true, when we eat 3 meals a day we tend to eat until we get our fill and then some. The problem is people don't hibernate for the winter. Nor are we homeless or experiencing a food storage, so our bodies process all of these excess calories and turn them into fat storage. And where does all that fat land? Look in that full length mirror and you will see what is following you and it’s not a steady stream of admirers! It’s called a boo-tay. Or a spare tire or love handles. Yeah right.

The grazing-eating strategy is far more effective for metabolism and weight control than dieting because you're not depriving yourself. When the body is deprived on a diet it's programmed to go into survival mode and it will eventually binge at the fear of starving. Grazing, on the other hand, reprograms your body. It says, I'm only feeding you a little now because you'll be fed again in 2 hours. And you have to feed it according to the food pyramid.
Each night I weigh out my lunch for the next day at work. I make sure that I get my portions just right. If I can eat 4 oz of meat I weigh it out. I can put all of my little quarter and half cups of fruits and salads and cheeses and veggies and grains in little containers and take it with me to eat. I drink water instead of sugar or sodium filled sodas.
And of course I need to get up off my lazy sit down and walk it off. I have my exercise bike and I sit on it to watch my 3 TV programs. Plus I walk briskly; I don’t ‘mosey’ down the hall way when I am at work. I may not ever see a size 9 again but I am going to tone this weight thing down and keep on feeling good. I really do want to be more lean like a deer instead of a fat grumpy old bear. So excuse me while I munch on my lunch.
My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Her Grace Lady Vonda the Infinite of Longer Interval
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