BUT i woke myself this morning literally singing out "it is well, it is well, with my soul!"
I had to crack open the old scars this past week in order to apply for a job. I need a job; one that pays regularly and that will make enough to help with the bills. But there aren't many jobs out there for a a 60 year old woman, especially one that was in a pastoral position. It was tough cracking open the old wounds and laying it all out on the table with the interviewers. They listened, they asked questions, they understood my reservations. And most importantly, they believed me. I felt a release from the emotional pain that was eating away at me. I left them knowing that I would be stonewalled, so the followup phone call today was not a surprise. What was a surprise was I had peace about it. I realized I had gone from feeling like a Samaritan woman at the well to THE WOMAN at the well that Jesus SAW and SPOKE to.
I
am The Woman at the Well
Vonda
Tedford-Keon
I am tired.
I am tired of the lies and the
seeds of doubt.
I am tired of the hypocrisy and
piety.
I am tired of pretending I don’t
hurt.
I am tired of feeling angry.
I am tired of not knowing who is
trustworthy.
I am tired of the bullies.
I am tired of being told I’m crazy and called a liar.
I am tired of being questioned.
I am tired of innuendo.
I am tired of seeing the things I
helped start, wither and die.
I am tired of being cut off from
people I love.
I am tired of being made to feel
worthless.
I am tired of being looked at
with pity in people’s eyes.
I am tired of not being able to
worship in the way I have been accustomed to.
I am tired of not being able to
sing aloud for fear of getting sneered at.
I am tired of being treated like
a Samaritan woman at the well.
I am tired of no longer having a
voice.
I am tired of the injustice.
I am tired of second and third
guessing myself.
I am tired of this feeling of
emptiness.
I am tired of the loss of dignity.
I am tired of not being able to
let it go.
Most of all I am just tired of being tired.
But today I woke up and the Holy Spirit spoke to me.
“Consider it great joy that you have experienced these trials
and challenges. Know that this testing of your faith produces endurance for
work ahead. But endurance must do its complete work so that you will be mature
and complete. (James 1:2-4)
Serve your neighbors and community quietly and know that you
are serving the Lord in the best way possible.
You can rest knowing The Lord knows your heart and your intentions and
He knows how you have served and the sacrifices that you have made. He also
knows the hard hearted accusations that have been made. You must do what you are led to do and you
will know when that time comes. Rest assured that He has determined your steps
and is guiding you and equipping you and nurturing you. Know that your Charisms
never left, they have just been quiet.”
So by the Power of the Holy Spirit I claim these things:
Today I will no longer be tired.
Today I will no longer be sad.
Today I choose to no longer be helpless.
Today I reclaim my dignity and my identity.
Today I choose to regain my confidence and work on trusting
again.
Today I choose to forgive the ones that have been unjust in
their actions and words. I won’t ever forget them but I can forgive them.
Today I choose to rid myself of all bitterness and anger as
that is Satan trying to devour my soul. I don’t know where God is leading me,
but I have Faith that it is to a safe dwelling place of His choosing. It is my
job to watch, and pray and listen and follow. I am at my weakest so now I am at
my strongest.
Today I choose to reclaim the Gifts and Charisms of the Holy
Spirit that were freely given to me at my baptism and confirmation and Raise my
Voice in song and thanksgiving for the many graces and mercies that have been
given me.
Today I choose to be THE Woman at the well that Jesus “saw”
and spoke to because He sees my worth, value and significance.
Today I Choose to start my Maranatha Marathon as I walk in
the Light of the Lord and serve Him.
