I Am the Woman at the Well

"It has been said "time heals all wounds." I don't agree with that. The mind covers the wounds with scar tissue to ease the pain and suffering to protect its sanity. As time progresses you learn to live with the wounds, but they are still there always lurking beneath because they have become a part of you."

 BUT i woke myself this morning literally singing out "it is well, it is well, with my soul!" 
I had to crack open the old scars this past week in order to apply for a job.  I need a job; one that pays regularly and that will make enough to help with the bills.  But there aren't many jobs out there for a a 60 year old woman, especially one that was in a pastoral position. It was tough cracking open the old wounds and laying it all out on the table with the interviewers.  They listened, they asked questions, they understood my reservations.  And most importantly, they believed me.  I felt a release from the emotional pain that was eating away at me. I left them knowing that I would be stonewalled, so the followup phone call today was not a surprise. What was a surprise was I had peace about it.  I realized I had gone from feeling like a Samaritan woman at the well to THE WOMAN at the well that Jesus SAW and SPOKE to. 

I am The Woman at the Well

Vonda Tedford-Keon

I am tired.

I am tired of the lies and the seeds of doubt.

I am tired of the hypocrisy and piety.

I am tired of pretending I don’t hurt.

I am tired of feeling angry.

I am tired of not knowing who is trustworthy.

I am tired of the bullies.

I am tired of being told I’m crazy and called a liar.

I am tired of being questioned.

I am tired of innuendo.

I am tired of seeing the things I helped start, wither and die.

I am tired of being cut off from people I love.

I am tired of being made to feel worthless.

I am tired of being looked at with pity in people’s eyes.

I am tired of not being able to worship in the way I have been accustomed to.

I am tired of not being able to sing aloud for fear of getting sneered at.

I am tired of being treated like a Samaritan woman at the well.

I am tired of no longer having a voice.

I am tired of the injustice.

I am tired of second and third guessing myself.

I am tired of this feeling of emptiness.

I am tired of the loss of dignity.

I am tired of not being able to let it go.

Most of all I am just tired of being tired.

But today I woke up and the Holy Spirit spoke to me.

“Consider it great joy that you have experienced these trials and challenges. Know that this testing of your faith produces endurance for work ahead. But endurance must do its complete work so that you will be mature and complete. (James 1:2-4)

Serve your neighbors and community quietly and know that you are serving the Lord in the best way possible.  You can rest knowing The Lord knows your heart and your intentions and He knows how you have served and the sacrifices that you have made. He also knows the hard hearted accusations that have been made.  You must do what you are led to do and you will know when that time comes. Rest assured that He has determined your steps and is guiding you and equipping you and nurturing you. Know that your Charisms never left, they have just been quiet.”

So by the Power of the Holy Spirit I claim these things:

Today I will no longer be tired.

Today I will no longer be sad.

Today I choose to no longer be helpless.

Today I reclaim my dignity and my identity.

Today I choose to regain my confidence and work on trusting again.

Today I choose to forgive the ones that have been unjust in their actions and words. I won’t ever forget them but I can forgive them.

Today I choose to rid myself of all bitterness and anger as that is Satan trying to devour my soul. I don’t know where God is leading me, but I have Faith that it is to a safe dwelling place of His choosing. It is my job to watch, and pray and listen and follow. I am at my weakest so now I am at my strongest.

Today I choose to reclaim the Gifts and Charisms of the Holy Spirit that were freely given to me at my baptism and confirmation and Raise my Voice in song and thanksgiving for the many graces and mercies that have been given me.

Today I choose to be THE Woman at the well that Jesus “saw” and spoke to because He sees my worth, value and significance. 

Today I Choose to start my Maranatha Marathon as I walk in the Light of the Lord and serve Him.