Friday, September 26, 2014

Living with Brain Cancer part 6

We have to take the time out to breathe.  We put our thoughts up on facebook.  People can read if they want or they can choose to not too.  either is ok.  We welcome comments and we understand when there aren't any.  This is a raw thing to live through and everyone has those raw moments in their lives.  This is how we are handling it.  It might seem silly at times, it might be gut wrenching, it might be we want to share the spirituality of it all.  But it helps both my sister and I to be able to put our thoughts down and 'out there'.  and I'll bet a lot of folks didn't even know we had a theological or a philosophical bone in our bodies.  
  

Vonda Tedford Keon
Mom has had trouble regulating her body temp. We are constantly tucking multiple blankets on her. Lisa brought her a soft electric tonight. Mom is all snuggled in it and resting now.

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Tonight I ask for all of my praying friends to please remember my family especially my grandmother my mother Lisa Tedford Norwood and my auntVonda Tedford Keon as they are the primary care givers for my sweet dear little angel of a grandmother that they are all surrounded with gods grace and loveing arms as this journey keeps on going and doesn't seem to get any better but worse for us all and especially for God's loving arms to be wrapped around my grandmother and each and everyone of us for we don't know how much longer we have with the precious little lady that I'm able to call my grandmother I ask for strength for each one of my family members peace and comfort also for each of us and for her also we just have to remember that God can get us through it all
September 19 at 10:08am · I don't praise my brother in law, Jon Norwood ( Lisa Tedford Norwood) very often. Being nice to each other would ruin our reputations! LOL. But I've got to give him some kudos today. Lisa called him and asked him to look for a super small electric blanket for Mom. He found one that is as soft as butter and the perfect size. She snuggled up under that thing last night and had the best and most restful sleep she has had in a long time. She woke up this morning feeling good. I heard that sweet little voice saying "Good morning Vonda. I slept so good. Can I have some coffee." ya done good brother.

Tonight is my night to stay at home while my sister and I swap out for the weekend. Mom had a great visit with one of our dear long time friends from our Tupelo days. Sue Shaw-Smith came and brought Mom a big box of chocolates and they reminisced about when the kids were little and how 'sassy' one particular little short blonde child was(not calling any names but she recently got married). Mom was in a lot of pain but she laughed and laughed as she and Sue caught up on things. She later said she really appreciated the visit from Sue and the effort it took for her to drive all the way here especially since Sue didn't feel too spiffy herself. We love you SSS.

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Lord have mercy, I'm having withdrawals from spending the nights with Mama! I might just have to go down and make my sister share that couch!
Oh sweet Jesus! There is no sugar in this house! That is going to be an apocalyptic event if I don't get some quickly!
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Erin Keon We've got packets
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Erin Keon Oh.
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Erin Keon You aren't home?
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Vonda Tedford Keon I just came in an got a little. That's why the dog bArked
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Erin Keon Oh, good. I got worried.
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Lisa Tedford Norwood Haha. Forgot to tell you.
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Vonda Tedford Keon Went through withdrawal in my coffee.
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Lisa Tedford Norwood I had those packets of natural sweetener .
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Vonda Tedford Keon Noooo. Sugar. Must have suuuuuugaaaaaar
Mom just asked me why she keeps trying to use her left hand all the time when she has always been a "righty". I've noticed that she has been trying to use the left hand more since this all began. One tumor is in the right side of her brain and the right side controls the left side of the body (Confusing isn't it) . There is a power struggle going on in her noggin!

Wonder if there are classes or tips on how to lift a person . When you already have bulging disks and spinal stenosis like I do. It's a killer. Vonda Tedford Keon and I are both in pain. Help !!! There has to be a technique we can
Use to make it better. Any suggestions ????
17 hrs · Edited · 
Mom had a pretty rough day. The roles my sister Lisa Tedford Norwood and I have to play is trying. We wear so many hats, nutritionist, chef, housekeeper, CNA, pharmacist, physical therapist, waitress, receptionist, soda jerk, personal shopper.... then there are times we have to run interference and maybe bouncer when we see her getting tired. The men in the family have taken on the roles of groundskeepers, Mr. Fixit, shoulder to cry on....the grand-daughters roles are go-fers and sitters and emotional boosters and givers of hugs. The one thing all of us do is pray for Mom  and each other. We don't know what lies around the corner or what tomorrow will bring. We do know that each day, hour, moment with Mom is precious whether its spent talking with her on the phone, or brushing her little velcro hair, making her brownies or milkshakes or a gourmet meal, or catching a few zzzz's on the couch beside her while she is sleeping fitfully in her recliner. I thank the Lord for her time on this earth and the love and wisdom she has shown us. She is a precious jewel.


23 hrs · Bruce, MS · 
My sister was born first but I'm the oldest. Ha. Had to put my car in the shop this morning and my crazy red headed sister in her 2005 mustang gives me a ride back to moms. So get this visual. Both of us are wearing back braces from having to
Lift mom. So I open the door. Oh God do you know how far down those bucket seats sit on the ground. So I slide down , shut the door and Red gives me the ride of my life. Windows rolled down , Elvis up loud , lol missed a gear and off we went. I'm
So short all you could see was my white hair and eyeballs. Big eyeballs !! She was flying. I told her she was gonna get a ticket. Hmmmp she says , I drive like my daddy. She took moms driveway on 2 wheels then slid that thing between those 2 poles . I covered my eyes a screamed. OMG we laughed till we about peed. 2 old women in Back braces trying to hang on to our youth. Woohoo let's go again Nonnie !!!!!!
come along for the ride Sissie!  I promise it will be something you will never forget!  Don't forget the Depends and the back brace!  
22 hrs · Edited · 
Yes I WAS born first but my sister has always been the more 'sensible' cautious one. What can I say. I am my father's child.


I'm not the same person I was a year ago , I'm not even the same person I was a day ago. Neither is my sweet mom . Reversing the role of care taking between a parent and a child is a life changing thing. Rewarding at times but painful at most. This is one of those days when the way you're mom has been all your life will never be again. But my sister and I have chosen to embrace what we have today and let go of what we can't change . Life is like a vapor .........
23 hrs · Bruce, MS · 
If anybody is going by Kroger I need some Blu Bell strawberry Ice cream and bryers peach ice cream. About the only thing left mom will drink are these milkshakes. You'd be an angel If you would pick me some up. Mom
Would be  happy . Please let me know. If you can.
13 hrs · 
TBT. This is what Love looked like in 1951. !!!!!!

Living with Cancer part 5 the Raw Truth

       Death is a subject no one wants to think about.  It’s not even a topic that that people want to discuss.  Most people avoid talking about it, perhaps because they are afraid of the thought of dying or even being with a loved one during their final moments here on earth.  Most people will admit that they want a peaceful death, or a quick one with no suffering.  Others will say they are afraid of death.  Why? Because they don’t want to think about the pain and suffering that the dying person is experiencing , or is it because they have nothing to look forward to, or are they afraid they will not have eternal life? 
       No one knows exactly what happens at the moment of death as a person takes their last breath.  Christians believe that the Lord will meet them at that moment and they will be welcomed into Paradise to be reunited with their loved ones that have preceded them.  Even the Good Thief on the cross was forgiven by the Lord and promised Paradise even as the Lord was suffering for our sins.  So why is the discussion of death and dying so taboo?
          People are so afraid of death that they avoid being with their loved ones in their final hours.  They abandon precious moments because they are incapable of dealing with the truth of death.  Death hurts.  There is no doubt about that.  The dying process is tremendously draining emotionally and physically for the person dying and for the care givers.  My sister Lisa and I know this well as do the other family members that are involved with us in the caring of our Mother/sister/grandmother.  We are experiencing a rare gift in Moms’ final journey that some will find depressing and at times macabre.
          The raw truth of death hurts. Everything that is not real is stripped away when someone is dying.  It is in dying that you become the most real you will ever be…..More real than you have ever been.  For the caregivers, they have their layers of being stripped away also as they discover who they really are.  At the end of life, there is no point in fearing the inevitability of death.  Death is the one thing that we cannot escape.  I think that people that are ‘afraid’ to die are afraid to really live and love.
Being here with our Mother as she is reaching the end of her life has shown us the beauty and peace that comes out of the horrible suffering and pain that she is experiencing in her battle with brain cancer. Caring for her in her last days has been a test of our maturity and hers.  This is a journey that she has to do herself.  We can’t make it for her.  We will be making our own transition from this world to the next one day. 
Death should not be proud.  It is nothing.  It is not the end.  Yes, it is the end of life as we know it on this earth but it is the beginning of our new  life with the Lord and to be reunited in Heaven with our loved ones.  As a Christian I cling to that thought as I watch my sweet Mom sleep.  I cling to the thoughts that soon she will be healed by the Lord and will walk again and be pain free and whole again and be reunited with our Dad.  He was the love of her life and she has missed him terribly for the past 18 years since he passed. 
         Mom senses her life is ebbing away as her strength is weakening.  The tumors in her brain are causing her to lose her vision.  She doesn't say anything about it but we catch her covering the left eye trying to make sense of what she can see.  Her appetite is waning and she is drinking less and less.  She can’t stand or walk any longer as her body doesn't obey the commands she is giving it.  It’s very frustrating for her yet she still has that precious sweet smile and her wit is still sharp and she can still laugh when my sister and I do something that amuses her.  She doesn't want to take the pain pills and she balks at times and gives us that “mom” look but she knows we are just trying to keep her comfortable.  She understands that her time is short and she is not going to ‘win’ this fight.  But she also has the hope of what is to come.
          Is this easy for my sister and I?  NO! it is the hardest thing we have ever done.  We are grieving already seeing our precious mother slowly dying a little more each day.  We are angry that this horrible disease wasn’t found earlier when all the signs were there.  We have to find ways to release the anger.  We are sad at the thought of not seeing and talking to our mom everyday like we have pretty much every day of our lives.  The withdrawals that face us will be overwhelming at times I am sure.  But neither of us will have any regrets of the sacrifices that we are making for her.  She knows that we are doing everything that we can to care for her.  She knows that we love her more than we can express.  She knows she will not draw her last breath alone.  She knows we are not afraid.  We are facing that coward called death with our heads held high as we hold our sweet mothers’ hands in ours .   
           This is not the end for her we cling to the promise that she will be beginning her life in heaven healed and reunited with our dad. When it is our turn to face death, she and our dad will be there to meet us when we cross over. .  So we are not afraid to speak of death. It is not the end. It is the beginning.


Thursday, September 25, 2014

Living with Cancer part 4

Mom went through a series of 10 radiation treatments that were designed to help with the symptoms the tumors were causing.  For the time being.  Mom had her last treatment on Thursday August 14.  She was so weak and tired.  It took ever ounce of energy that she had to pull herself up into the Escalade.  Even the time spent on the ride up there and back was energy zapping.  Every day after the treatment we would leave and stop by to see Lisa at her work and then stop at Philips for some fried corn nuggets, or fried Okra or a good old traditional hamburger and a big glass of iced sweet tea.  Mom would eat those nuggets dipped in ranch dressing or comeback sauce as I drove her home.  When we arrived  back home, I would get her back inside and into her chair and she would lay back and take a long nap.  I was so glad when the final treatment was over.  It meant that I would not have to make her get back into the truck for another long energy zapping trip. 


Nobody should have to go through what this angel is going through. Cancer is such a gruel and hateful disease. This journey that the three of us are on is heartbreaking to say the least. My mom is the strongest person I have ever known . I only hope I can be half the woman she is. Love this precious lady !!!!
Graduated from radiology and got to bring home her mask

The mask was made the first day.  it is made from a mesh that is  dipped in hot water and then draped on her face.   It had pieces of tape on it in various places marking where the radiation would be applied.  For each treatment she lay on a table and the mask was placed over her head and then it snapped into the table so that she could not move during the treatment.  This poor little woman is as claustrophobic as can be and it took a lot of courage to go through that for ten days.  She was given her mask on the last day and her Certificate of Achievement for finishing. They also gave her a little soft blanket and a beautiful olive wood 'holding' cross.  I find Mom sleeping with that beautiful cross tightly gripped in her hand. 
She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future . Proverbs 31:25.



Mom’s hair started falling out 2 days after her last radiation treatment….exactly like the doctor said it would.  She was complaining on Friday that her head was hurting but it was her scalp that was so sore.  We kept checking and there was no loose hair.  I did notice it was laying on her scalp differently. Saturday night while Lisa was staying with mom, she gave her a shower.   Mom noticed the water was rising in the tub and she asked if the drain was stopped up.  When Lisa reached down to check the drain she was shocked to find hair.  She checked the back of Moms head and saw the bald spots.  As soon as water had hit Moms hair, it released from her scalp.  Linda Jane came after church on Sunday afternoon to shave Mom’s head.  She has the prettiest, roundest head.  No lumpy bumpy heads for this spunky little woman….
Her hair is growing back but not all over.  she has a little mohawk.  We don't think it is going to grow back completely but we haven't really expressed that thought with Mom.  She sits and pulls on the hair that is there trying to stretch it she says.  Lisa brought her a little soft baby hair brush and we massage baby oil on her scalp and then gently brush her scalp with that soft little brush.  She closes her eyes and smiles as we do that.  She enjoys the feeling of the brush on her skin.

Vonda Tedford Keon Aug. 18 2014 Miss Priss today. I asked momma if she had a bucket list because if she did I was going to do my darnedest to make it happen. She was thoughtful for a while then she said, "I have done and seen everything I ever wanted with your Daddy. Now I want to finish my life with dignity." Well Mom we will make that so! Love this tiger mama! — 

Mom hasn't had the best of days energy wise. But let me tell you... for dinner she ate a whole grilled hamburger, with baked beans, chips and lots of sweet pickles. Then she ate a chocolate cookie and a huge piece of warm chocolate pie with a glass of cold milk! Lisa Tedford Norwood and I were giggling watching her enjoy the tastes. She was savoring each and every bite.
Mom woke me at 6 with a sweet "I love you". I was thinking to myself wonder what comes next.... "I sure would like a fluffy biscuit and some pepper gravy". Yep pegged it.

Our hospice nurse told us that she was a cancer survivor and when she was taking her treatments, food didn’t taste right and for some reason, grilling food over flames enhanced flavors, so we have used the grill as much as possible.  She has a great appetite partially because of the steroids that she takes to relieve the cranial pressure.  She eats pretty much anything that we put in front of her.  Chicken and dressing, roast and potatoes, various soups, especially potato soup, cobblers, cookies, fried pies,  and chocolate brownies.  Many many chocolate brownies.  She is making up for lost time on chocolate since it was a trigger for 20 years of migraines! 

Lord bless my little tired and sick momma. I've got to ease her glasses off!
August 24 Sitting here watching my sweet mom sleep. She seems to be sleeping more than waking now. I'm just going to tuck in the blanket around her and let her get all the rest she wants.

Our Rock ! — with Vonda Tedford Keon.
 So tonight I'm searching my heart for answers about something and she looks me in the eye with that sweet sweet smile on her face and quietly says, if you don't feel the happiness then don’t do it.
Funny how things trigger memories. This is a Japanese persimmon tree in moms yard. My dad brought the seeds back from Japan years ago and planted this tree. He was so excited when it came up. I picked one and cut it up for mom. When I told her it's fruit from the tree dad planted she just smiled and took a bite and savored the sweet taste. She thought of dad too. Mercy how she loved that man . We both had that sweet memory from that one little persimmon tree 

So I've taken this advice . Friday was my last day at work. Not exactly how I had it planned but life throws you curves sometimes. My life will be centered around my precious mom and spending all the sweet time with her I can. Life is too short , time is precious and memories are something no one can take from me. I'm not sure at all what the future holds but God is in control. I've turned it all over to Him. He will provide.
Good Sunday morning. What a beautiful day it will be. Mom and I are having big ole fat cinnamon rolls and coffee at 4:00 this morning. She's being an early bird 
Top of Form
While Lisa Tedford Norwood goes to church getting her spiritual nourishment for the week ahead, I'm sitting watching our sweet momma sleep the restless sleep of someone in pain. Pray for my sister and I as we start a new phase of our caretaker journey this week. Lisa will be here caring for mom during the day time hours and I will be coming in for the night shift. We are just taking this journey with Mom one moment at a time and holding each precious minute we have in our hearts. We know how to work solo and as a team and to be the strong one for each other and for Mom. And yes I also get my spiritual nourishment also.

Mom asked for salt cured ham and biscuits with red-eye gravy. I have never made red eye gravy but what Mom wants Mom is gonna get. Good thing I always have some hot coffee handy since that is an important ingredient! She ate it all so I think that it was a success!

I get "the look" when it's pill taking time too. Bless her heart! Love my sweet mama!
Well this is the face I got from my sis when I told here she could have dessert if she took her pills. I love her!!


Some weekends, Moms baby sister Elizabeth comes to give me and Lisa a break.  Liz is a retired nurse practitioner and retired missionary.  Liz took this photo of mom when she started to hand mom her morning pills.  Mom is so tired of taking pills but she doesn't want to hurt so she does.  But she is quick to tell you that she absolutely hates them!


Got the windows up feeling the crisp air and listening to the birds sing . Beautiful morning with my angel !!! — at Miss Jimmie's.
Today Lisa starts spending days with our sweet little Mom and I take the nights. Mom just wakes up so sweet with a big smile and little wave and a good morning I love you...I want a cup of coffee.

This journey of Moms affects everyone.  The granddaughters are having a hard time with the notion of losing their last grand parent.  
This is for my grandmother, watching her fight cancer has been one of the toughest things my family has ever been through. She started out with colon cancer and had surgery to have it removed...a short time later the doctor told us that it had spread to her brain and it is VERY aggressive. They gave her a short time to live and we are cherishing every second of it. I cannot even fathom what she is going though emotionally. I can see the physical side of it. She rarely feels well and her mobility is slowly slipping away from her...but she almost always has that precious smile on her face and she looks super precious with her bald little head! I have watched two people close to me fight cancer now, my mother who is one of the strongest breast cancer survivors I've ever met...and my grandmother who I am slowly watching slip away everyday. I don't know what I would do without my mother and aunt being so strong in helping my grandmother throughout this terrible battle. This is not the way I wanted to lose my grandmother, not with her in constant pain and something slowly eating away at her. But I thank god for all 22yrs that I have had her in my life. I thank him for her guidance and her helping me through things when I didn't want to talk to anyone else...and most of all I thank god for giving me the strongest women I have ever met and for allowing me to call her grandmommy. There are days when I don't deserve her, but The Lord gave me her anyway. I love you Grandmommy! 

Lisa captured this sweet photo of Bella adoring her grandmommie.  just one of those moments that are fast.
It's strange how time can pass fast and slow at the same time. Life on this earth is so short and some days it seems to just fly by. Others like today are in slow motion for me. When you stop and take the time to cherish every second you have it's amazing what you see and appreciate. It's like being in slow motion and everything and everyone else around you is in fast forward. Looking out the window the leaves are moving so gently and the birds are singing away , the air smells so good and the sky is gorgeous today .At the same time I'm sitting here taking in moms every movement.  But it's like I'm cataloging everything that is so her. When she blinks , I watch her lashes flutter , that smile she gives me everytime I stick my head through the door is burned in my mind . When she waves that little wave she does I see it move so slow. I watch and listen in the quietness to every breath she takes while she naps , watching her chest rise and fall. I love her hands , the years of hard work and caring for her family are so evident in those frail little things. There has been many a pat or sweet touch from them. Strong once but so weak now but always in the Bible . Wrinkled from time but Beautiful just the same. She has such a strong faith and says she will never give up. We love our mom ,Vonda Tedford Keon and I. She's the glue that has held it all together for us. I don't mean to bore anyone with my rambling on . I know that others are going through storms themselves. It's true I share too much sometimes but that is just the way I
am , if I feel it I don't hold it in So, with all this said I just want to share what this journey has taught me .I Just want you to stop your busy day every now and then and enjoy your loved ones , tell them You love them and what they mean to you. Don't say to yourself oh I'll do it tomorrow. I'm too busy today. Life is like a vapor. Here one second and gone the next. Storms are for a reason. You always come out of them stronger and smarter than you were before. You can't move mountains digging away with a spoon , let your friends help you with their shovel and together you can make a dent in that mountain you are facing . What I'm trying to say in all of this is, Love life , love one another and tell them how much . Lean on your real friends and let them help . Have a strong faith in God ,Have fun and laugh and cherish Every Single Day 
As the evening goes on and the Storage Wars is on the television as background noise, I sit here listening to my dear mom sleep. Not watching you understand. She absolutely cannot handle waking up and finding someone looking at her. She is a tough little woman and all of her life, if she was in pain, she would work through it instead of taking something to alleviate the pain. That stubbornness along with the fact that red haired people are harder to ease pain in, is something my sister Lisa Tedford Norwood, and I are constantly trying to work with. Mom doesn't always want to take a pain pill, thinking she can push through it. While I am glad she is still fighting this damned disease that is ravaging her poor little body, I gently plead with her to take the medication even if she does say it's a 3 out of 10. We have already learned her pain can escalate as fast as my Mustang can go from 0 to 60! I don't want to think about what lies ahead of us. My sister and I know that our time with Mom is nearing its end. That saddens us but it is our privilege and honor to serve her and care for her as she makes her transition from this life into the next. I love that precious smile she flashes at us as she reaches for our hand when we come in. I love to nuzzle her sweet bald head and rub baby oil on the spikey hair that is growing in patches. Sometimes she will look at me, tears welling in those precious hazel eyes and ask me if she is going to get better. It tears me apart as I search for the right words. There is much truth in the phrase "tears of a clown".
Another Beautiful day. Mom and Lisa Tedford Norwood got a great big belly laugh at my expense this morning. Why is it that the best and deepest sleep comes after you hit the snooze button. Lisa was at the back door calling for me to let her in and I shot straight up off the couch with my hair all runched up and drool running down one side of my face yelling "is it time!?" not a pretty sight! Got my heart to pumping for sure!

Sept. 17 2014 What a way to start her day. Mom said to tell you they are beautiful and she's not confused anymore  — with Jesse Quillen at Miss Jimmie's.

Mom and I had a good day today. Well as good as is possible right now. I made her favorite chicken salad for her lunch , she had brownies and a homemade strawberry milkshake ! Hit the spot she said. She got flowers from a dear special friend of hers Jesse Quillen. Had a couple of visitors that made her smile and laugh. She loves to reminisce about old times. The whole time I watched her smile through the pain. Never once making a sound. Apologizing to me for putting my sister and I through this. We told her we're gonna love her through this. God is preparing her mansion in Heaven. He's not through yet , and until He is we're gonna love her through this. When I left this afternoon to switch shifts with Vonda Tedford Keon I leaned down to kiss that sweet head and she whispered I'm not ready for you to go. I smiled and thought to myself I'm not ready for you to go either .

Mother gives us a smile like this crazy dog when she gets anything chocolate.  She loves my sisters brownies.  We keep a batch of warm brownies just for her ready at all times.  God help you if you try to sneak a bite of HER brownies.  you will draw back a nub.  She could not eat chocolate for over 20 years because it triggered migraine headaches.  now she is catching up on all the chocolate she can eat! 

10 hours ago Sept..17 2014
Mom is resting.... and I can't. I'm just listening to her breathing as she goes from long deep breaths to noisy ragged ones. Then she changes starts quiet shallow. I play a lot of solitaire and word searches in between journaling and praying.

13 hours ago Sept. 17, 2014
It's taken us ( Lisa Tedford Norwood and me) a couple of days to keep on top of the timing but we finally got Mom to listen about the pain control. She's resting peacefully at the moment. She woke up once and wanted something to drink. Said she didn’t hurt but sure didn't feel good. I'll take that. We just don't want her to hurt.
September 18, 2014 10:30pm.  Mom is resting.  From the sound of her breathing, it appears she is resting peacefully.  At least she isn’t talking in her sleep or groaning.  It bothers us so much that she is hurting.  Mom is so old school about pushing through the pain.  Its been tough on everyone to convince her that she needs to take the pain medication regularly and not to skip it.  At first she wasn’t in pain all the time, but now as the cancer progresses and spreads she is hurting all over. 
 Lisa Tedford Norwood September 19 2014
Nighttime. Keeper of our Angel time. Waking her to take her final handful of meds for the night. Tucking her in and kissing her little bald head. Surrounding her with pillows so she will be comfortable. Letting her hold my hand with that tight little grip till she falls asleep. While she softly whispers I love you !! I love you too angel. This folks is real life. Real love . Real hard . Life is like a vapor. Here one minute and gone the next . God is preparing her a mansion in Heaven but it's not complete yet. So until then we're gonna love her through this. God Bless

to be continued......
My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Her Grace Lady Vonda the Infinite of Longer Interval
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