I am a coffee snob. I admit it

April 14, 2008

I love coffee. In fact I am a coffee snob. I think it all started with my Daddy. He would have that first cup of coffee every morning, a level spoon or two of sugar and then he would stir. And stir….and stir..the spoon clink clink clinking on the sides of the coffee cup as he sat there thinking or trying to wake up. I never did know which it was. When the clinking and the thinking would stop then came the big slurp. I don’t recall that I ever heard Daddy drink a cup of coffee without hearing that big slurp.

My Papaw Guy was a coffee drinker too. He had a big old white mug with a sipping saucer. No one else drank from that mug. It was his and his alone. Papaw would pour his coffee into that saucer and then drink it down with a big ole slurp. When I would ask why he drank from the saucer, he told me it helped cool the hot coffee. That mug and sipping saucer is something I have looked for in antique shops for years.

On my last trip to Jackson, I went in search of books to read at a Barnes and Nobles and nothing goes better with a good book than a cup of coffee. There is always a coffee bar in bookstores. Even Square Books in Oxford has a gourmet coffee bar upstairs. Allison, my partner in the book and coffee hunt, and I “bellied up to the bar” and placed our orders. We both ordered a tall caramel macchiato with an extra pump of vanilla and steamed milk. The young woman taking our order balked at the requested and curtly informed us that we could not have it that way. I was stunned. First, she was rude, secondly, we can order our coffee any way we like it. Most of the things on the menu board are just “guidelines” as far as I’m concerned.

We were insistent about what we wanted and she was just as insistent that we could not. I was starting to get really jittery because I had not had my morning cup of coffee and I also used to run a coffee bar so I do know exactly what is involved in making a cup of specialty coffee. My voice was beginning to raise an octave or two when the coffee bar manager stepped over and asked what was going on. Allison and I explained that we wanted to start out with the recipe for the Caramel Macchiato with steamed milk and we wanted to add an extra pump of vanilla to it. The cashier piped up saying it would change the taste of the Macchiato.(Visualize a little head and shoulder action going on here) Ya THINK? I finally looked at the young lady and I told her that I was a barista and I had not had my morning cup of coffee yet so I was getting very irritated at being told that we could order that cup of coffee exactly the way we wanted. The manager agreed and proceeded to make our coffees which, by the way, turned out very very good.

Being the ever adventurous sort that I am, I finally tried one of the Java Chillers that Sonic is now offering. Since I like caramel, that is the flavor I go for. I like the Java Chiller which is a shot of espresso with some soft serve ice cream and whipped cream drizzled with caramel. That is pretty yummy. It’s not hot, it’s not cold, but it does give a nice little wake up jolt. The hot lattes are good also. The Sonic in Bruce is pretty good at that one. The early morning crew seems to know best how to prepare them though.

On one of our warmer days last week I ordered an iced latte and that was a severe shock to my system. I had the assumption that it was going to be a nice concoction of coffee and flavoring blended with ice. Surprise! The carhop brought me the cup of iced coffee and it looked so inviting topped with the whipped cream and caramel drizzle. Then I took that first sip. Oh I am so sorry to say that whoever made that cup of coffee did not hit the mark. They were not even in the same universe. Words cannot describe what it tasted like but if you saw the Garfield cartoon in the paper on Saturday, that would be a proper description. Thick and bitter coffee doesn’t wake me up. It seemed like the more I sipped the worse it became. Did you know that bitter coffee can make you pucker? I looked like I had been through a bad batch of Botox. It was pretty toxic. Being the coffee snob that I am, I may just ask them if they would mind if I showed them how to make a proper latte. Either that or I’ll just plan to stop at McDonald’s. Old Ronald knows how to make a great iced coffee.