The moving around of foreign exchange students. It just happens

Since the rumor mill is abuzz in this little town, I am sure that everyone knows, that as a CR for a Global Youth Exchange program, I moved an exchange student this week. As a matter of fact there were 4 kids moved within the state in the last few days. Last year the same thing happened. And next year there will probably be someone that is relocated or sent home. Its not a big deal unless someone makes one of it.

The exchange student program offers these kids an opportunity to come and live with people from very different backgrounds from their own. Most of them have traveled within their continents but they all dream of coming to America. They come here to a land where there are many viewpoints and they have to adjust to a lot of things when they get here. They are using a language that is not their native language but they have learned it well enough to get here and then they find that what they learned is not nearly enough. They are hit with new tastes in foods, different weather, a different home, a different type of school system. They are away from their home church or they come from a country where they don't go to church and they are now in the heart of the Bible belt. They miss their Mom's hugs and Dad's pats on the head. They miss their festivals and celebrations. If in their country they greet each other with a hug and kiss on the cheek, they are surprised to find that here people just smile and shake hands and say hello. There are hundreds of little things that are different and they all of a sudden add up to one big culture shock.

When they first arrive here it is fun to see the differences and to learn how to do things differently. Sometimes, and its usually about the 2 month mark, they get tired of having to remember how to do so many things. They start to feel that everything is different; nothing seems familiar any longer. Nothing is comfortable. Anyone who travels, for any length of time to any place, experiences this and its called "culture shock".

Culture Shock means that your mind is tired of having to think about everything. You are tired of have to figure out if something you are doing is right or wrong. When you get tired you brain stops trying to understand and you withdraw. Instead of adjusting you become quiet and you think of home and all that you are missing. You become confused at things and maybe angry and then you feel isolated. You start to think that people don't like you. They don't seem to be treating you the way you imagined that American Moms and Dads would treat their children. You want to be a member of the new family but you feel like an outsider. Your host family is usually hitting the culture wall too and even though they should realize that you are having difficulty, they don't because they are trying to deal with their own type of shock. Thus the misunderstandings start and bad feelings can happen.

There are many signs of Culture shock. Your eating patterns change. You either eat too much or too little. You sleep more than usual. You start having headaches. You feel helpless and like you are stuck someplace far from your family and friends and time is going so slow and the end is not in sight.
You get angry for no reason or for things that really aren't worth getting angry about. You start thinking that someone might hurt you, or take your things or take advantage of you because you have heard of other students that have had bad experiences. You are horribly homesick and you just want to go back home to what is familiar.

When hosting an exchange student many things come into play. Sometimes expectations are too high on both sides. And when the culture shock hits, the host family doesn't always recognize it for what is and the child is then considered by some to be difficult. Oh I should know! I had two students last year and one of them had me climbing the walls for a little while until we worked a few things out. After we sat down and worked through the issues that both of us had, it was smooth sailing and we all had a wonderful experience. And those girls were very much considered members of our family and we felt great sadness when we put them on the planes to send them back to their families.

Now there are times when the host family and the student just won't mix like oil and water. It just happens. The function of the Community Rep is to keep close tabs on the student's progress both in the home and in the school and community. There are questions that we ask of the Host Family and the student and the schools on a regular basis and we can usually identify a problem and try to work through it before it escalates into something that can't be fixed. And we have to turn in a report after each conversation. If the incompatibility becomes too great and starts creating chaos, we are responsible for going and getting the child and moving them to another home because that is what the State Department and the Overseas Partners tell us to do. We are just doing our job.

Incompatibility is not a sin. It is no one's fault. The kids are not ungrateful. They are usually extremely sad and feel that they have failed at trying to fit in and be a member of the host family. It causes them great pain and shame. Incompatiblity just happens folks.

And the truth be told, when the child is moved it's usually an unspoken relief for everyone involved. So let's just leave it at that and put this to rest and shut down the rumor mill. That is best for all parties concerned. The children that I have placed are my first concern and responsiblity.