Well we took a big old giant step last weekend (November 29th to be exact). We are now the owners of a 37 foot Fleetwood Bounder RV. One day soon we jump in it and take a trip. Most people are winterizing their RV's and travel trailers and we go and buy one and keep it plugged in so we can work on it. Yes, I am aware that we are doing things out of season, but out of season is also when you can find the absolute best prices on purchases like this!
This blog is about to change and be about life as a couple in an RV. Scott and I have always had a bit of Wanderlust in us. Now that our daughters are grown and gone (well Erin is almost out the door!) and I am quickly approaching the earliest age to draw retirement, we are going to take the bull by the horns (or the Flamingo by the wings) and try out some serious trips and living in a much smaller space in bits and pieces at a time.
I think its exciting......
The Flamingos like to travel when they can so now we have a seasoned 37 ft. Bounder RV to start our adventures in.I love to garden, paint, write, travel and cook and take pictures to prove it. Life has been on hold until my Mother passed on to her next life on Oct.9 2014. Now It is time to travel as I heal emotionally by returning to Gourmet cooking, Art and writing about our adventures on the road.
Thursday, December 04, 2014
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Time doesn't stop LOVE!
It has been month since Mom has passed on. It hasn't been the easiest of things to lose my mother after 61 years. But I stay busy, at times too busy, just to keep my eyes from leaking as our Japanese brother Hideaki would say. My sister is especially hurting. Mom was the rock that we both clung to in good times and in bad. She was our confidant and our advisor whether we took her advise or not, we still would ask her opinion. And sometimes she would just tell us her opinion against our will. There were times that we might have to 'gang up' on Mom to get her to do something. Those were the times when I instinctively knew the volcano would blow and I'd just say I've got your back Sis! But then sometimes I would have to be the bad girl and she would be standing behind me ducking too!
Now as we face the daunting task of going through mother's things, and it is decades of things to go through, I wish I could just sit and talk with her again.
Fingering the folds on quilts that she made, I can see her sitting at her old Wizard sewing machine patiently piecing each scrap of fabric. Her quilts were works of art. I can hear the whirr of the needle as it popped into the shapes and as she coaxed stitches out of that old work horse to make a beautiful dress for us. She sewed many Barbie outfits for me and my childhood friend Gwen Hasting as we sat out under a big shade tree in the front yard playing with our dolls.
Going through the multitude of old photo albums I have found photos of Mom as a baby that I never saw before. I realized that one album was actually my grandmother Sally's album and that I was touching pages she had touched and was looking at her handwriting. I love how she called herself "Sal". It has opened a new idea for me into her personality. I don't have any memory of my Grandmother Sally, she died in November after my first birthday. But she apparently marked me, I have a love of sunflowers and the color purple and I can grow things and Mom always told me I had her temper and tenacity. Mom sorely missed her mom. I found a poem that she wrote about her grief around 1957. It sums up what I and my sister feel.
Now as we face the daunting task of going through mother's things, and it is decades of things to go through, I wish I could just sit and talk with her again.
Fingering the folds on quilts that she made, I can see her sitting at her old Wizard sewing machine patiently piecing each scrap of fabric. Her quilts were works of art. I can hear the whirr of the needle as it popped into the shapes and as she coaxed stitches out of that old work horse to make a beautiful dress for us. She sewed many Barbie outfits for me and my childhood friend Gwen Hasting as we sat out under a big shade tree in the front yard playing with our dolls.
Going through the multitude of old photo albums I have found photos of Mom as a baby that I never saw before. I realized that one album was actually my grandmother Sally's album and that I was touching pages she had touched and was looking at her handwriting. I love how she called herself "Sal". It has opened a new idea for me into her personality. I don't have any memory of my Grandmother Sally, she died in November after my first birthday. But she apparently marked me, I have a love of sunflowers and the color purple and I can grow things and Mom always told me I had her temper and tenacity. Mom sorely missed her mom. I found a poem that she wrote about her grief around 1957. It sums up what I and my sister feel.
Memory
Jimmie Lois Tedford
In memory of my precious mother who passed away November 1, 1954.
My darling mother from me is gone to be with Jesus on His throne.
Her bright smile no more I'll see,
but always sad and lonely be.
It is said there of the sweetest words in any language are Mother, Home and Heaven.
My mother was both the morning and evening star of my life. No more can I go back to the homeplace and be greeted at the door with a mother's smile and to hear her say "come in".
Mother was the sweetest word in all the world to me, except the Lord and He is above all. Oh Mother! the time is so long and lonely without you!
A mothers love is the sweetest thing on earth. I never could understand why God made mothers and then took them away, but I know He does all things well and someday I'll know why.
Some say God couldn't be every where so He made mothers and as he loves them, He takes them away. There is no sea so deep, no mountain so high as a mother's love for her child.
A loving voice from me is gone.
A voice I loved so well. Why she had to go I can never tell. I must cast on Jesus my every care for someday I must cross the sea and there with Mother reunited I will be.
In a vision I can see a band of mothers around a great white throne of God.
Please, God! that I may one day join that band.
I can see you dearest Mother,
you were ever fond and true.
Friends don't know how I've missed you,
But in my lonely hours I'm still with you.
There will be roses in that garden in that home where folks are true.
Where I'll find you my loved one waiting far above, beyond the blue.
I can hear those lovely echos,
from that far off shore,
In that garden of tomorrows
where we will meet, to part no more.
I love you MOM.
Jimmie Lois and Sal
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Picking up the Pieces and finding a new Normal Life
It has been 12 days since Mom died. Life for us continues as we try to find a new "normal" what ever that may be. For Scott and I, it was to continue with our plans for our 25th wedding anniversary trip that we have been planning since and saving for since January.
Our room was facing the east and we watched the sunrise on Monday morning. It was 9 AM when we arrived Sunday morning. And we were able to check right in. We had a welcome basket of fruit and snacks waiting on us.the room was the same size as any standard room at Disney but the amenities were better. lots and lots of fluffy pillows, the bath towels and face cloths were a thicker softer terry cloth. But the view from the room, that was the icing on the cake for me. Even if only for one day and night, it was perfection.
we saw primarily giraffe...at least 3 of them and many horned cattle of some sort. It was fascinating to watch them eating and just going about their way
We loaded the Mustang with our luggage and some things to take to Ariel and started our trip at 1pm Saturday Oct. 18. We decided to go earlier just to get away. Our plans were to drive straight through but we gave it up at 2am in Wildwood Florida to stop at a Sleep Inn and catch some zzzz's.
As we entered Alabama, we both were grinning at the thought that after 14 years we were finally getting to take a vacation and after a while thought about it had been 25 years since we could go on a trip without bringing small children or stubborn adolescent children along. WE were finally the parents of grown childen and we could do all those things we could not do before: like saunter through the parks and eat what we wanted and have adult type beverages......and sleep late if we want to.
We arrived on the Disney property at about 9 AM Sunday Morning and our room was ready. We spent one night at Jambo House at Animal Kingdom Resort. We had a view of the Savannah and it was a treat to see Giraffe eating outside our balcony and an assortment of horned cattle and large birds.
Waking in the Lobby of Jambo House was an amazing experience. I have always wanted to stay there. even if just for one night. it did not disappoint me. It was an immersion into a different culture. the Sights and sounds and smells were breath taking and very enjoyable.Our room was facing the east and we watched the sunrise on Monday morning. It was 9 AM when we arrived Sunday morning. And we were able to check right in. We had a welcome basket of fruit and snacks waiting on us.the room was the same size as any standard room at Disney but the amenities were better. lots and lots of fluffy pillows, the bath towels and face cloths were a thicker softer terry cloth. But the view from the room, that was the icing on the cake for me. Even if only for one day and night, it was perfection.
we saw primarily giraffe...at least 3 of them and many horned cattle of some sort. It was fascinating to watch them eating and just going about their way
Since we were not scheduled to begin our Disney Vacation until Monday, we decided to go to Universal Studios and go to the Wizarding Worlds of Harry Potter. Both of us are big Potter fans. The parts of the parks that had to do with Harry was good. I really wasn't that gungho about the rest of Universal. More about that later.
Finally we have arrived! |
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Starting a New Chapter of Life
Somehow we have survived these past few days of raw emotions, misunderstandings and ragged jagged nerves. Decisions were made about what to dress mom in and what kind of flowers for the pall and what pictures to use for a memorial video. We wanted to show and introduce our Mother to people who didn't really know her. She had so many facets to her that most people never knew. Mother was sort of like an onion. A sweet onion with many many layers that had to be peeled back to appreciate the complex person that she was.
She touched so many lives and was a mentor to many. The young minister that gave the message knew Mom. Bro. Will really KNEW her. He understood our feelings of loss because he had seen all that we had seen. He knew her stories, well some of them, but he knew some good ones because she had shared with him. He knew how she would help someone out and give an admonishment along with the loan. He knew her facial expressions and her mischievous side. No one else could have delivered such a wonderful, funny, poignant eulogy as Will Turner did on October 11, 2014.
Mom was born on a cold Saturday in Pittsboro, MS on December 3, 1932. Born at home on the kitchen table beside Great Grannie Russells big wood burning stove. They paid the doctor with a chicken. My grandmother Sallie Pearl Russell Gray named her Jimmie Lois.
Mom was a big baby girl. One of her early photos is her sitting in the grass wearing a diaper. She was smiling and the biggest chunk of a baby I have ever seen. Her early years were spent learning to shoot hickory nuts out of trees and plowing behind a cantankerous old mule and tending to chickens and little goats.
Mom attended school at Pittsboro where she met a blue eyed boy named David who was in the same grade as Mom. When Mom was 14, Grandma Sallie remarried and they moved to Memphis TN where Mom finished highschool. Young David dropped out of school. Or as he liked to tell me, he went all the way through school. He walked in the front door, walked down the hall and exited through the back door and that was in the 9th grade. That was about the time my mom moved. I will always wonder if he quit because of that.
After Mother graduated from Tech High in Memphis, Class of 1951, she worked as a telephone operator. And David was in the Army. He apparently had never forgotten Jimmie and while on leave he called her to see if she would meet him for a date. Mom said ok but that she had changed. She was bald and wore a wig, She had a peg leg and no teeth. She said he could pick her up on the some corner close by her house. David said he had a buddy do a drive by so that he could check her out and if he didn't like what he saw he was not going to stop. They drove by and he saw her standing there with one leg tucked under her dress so she did look like a one legged woman. Then she put her foot down and grinned with a full set of teeth. Mom said he jumped out of the car. Daddy just always said she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. I don't think the courtship lasted very long because they married on September 1 of 1951. I look at their early photos an all I see is absolute adoration.
Through thick and thin, hard times and good times, that same look of unabashed love is in my mothers eyes as she looks up at my daddy as I sorted through old photographs. After he died in June of 96, a piece of her died also. I often said that the day Daddy was buried, Mom was too. I found a poem that she wrote some time after he died and it spoke volumes about her last 18 years of living without him.
She withdrew to her little "Happy Valley" she called it, only leaving to go to the post office, the beauty shop and sometimes the grocery store. You would see her on the lawn mower or walking her dog or sitting on her front porch. But she would not leave often because home was where she felt close to Daddy. Eventually she had her errands run by me or my sister or one of the grand daughters as they came of driving age.
Mom wished to die at home, not hooked up any beeping machines monitoring her vital signs, not poked full of holes with needles and IV lines. We granted those wishes and pretty much just moved in as we cared for her 24/7. Life went on around her. School homework for Bella had to be done, Erin had to jump up and go on EMR calls leaving dinner on the table, we cooked all the meals at her house and the other family members came to eat there or just to visit and say I love you and keep her up to date on the latest goings on in town. We watched her television programs and sometimes she might let one of us have the remote so we could watch the programs we liked,,,,,but not often did she relinquish that remote. We welcomed the loving and caring hospice crew that came and helped us care for Mom for her final 10 weeks of life.
My sister and I have just lived through an amazing ten weeks of life. It has been a time of bonding, of sorrow, of laughter and of silent tears. It has been a time of adjustment as the person that once took care of us became the person that we had to to take care of. We had to learn that sometimes the words that came out really were not from her but from the horrible disease that was taking her from us. We learned that silence is deafening in the still of the night, and any change in her breathing would be cause for us to wake up suddenly. We discovered things about ourselves that we didn't know existed...primarily that we could function on little or no sleep and that we could not rest away from our mother much less rest in the same room.
Now that precious golden heart has creased to beat. The frail broken body no longer holds the spark that was Jimmie Lois. She is free of the shackles of earth and clothed in a glorious robe with a full head of hair and no more cancer and no more tears. I fully believe that the Lord came for her and upon arriving in heaven he pointed out a mischievous blue eyed man that came and took her hand and he said, "welcome home"...and she is.
As I left her grave site this afternoon, our little friend Michaela came and asked me where Grandmommie was. I told her she was in heaven with all the angels and my daddy now. She nodded and said, "yeah she has wings now Nonnie.' Michaela walked off and a tiny gray feather floated right into my face. I caught it and looked around. My husband and nephew were looking at me and I asked if they saw that feather just float down to me. They did. I know intellectually it came from a nest in one of the trees that were nearby, but I still think Mom was sending me a sign that she was near by. Michaela said she has wings, perhaps she does.
Call me crazy, call me grieving, I don't really care. You weren't there. I was. I love you Momma.
She touched so many lives and was a mentor to many. The young minister that gave the message knew Mom. Bro. Will really KNEW her. He understood our feelings of loss because he had seen all that we had seen. He knew her stories, well some of them, but he knew some good ones because she had shared with him. He knew how she would help someone out and give an admonishment along with the loan. He knew her facial expressions and her mischievous side. No one else could have delivered such a wonderful, funny, poignant eulogy as Will Turner did on October 11, 2014.
Mom was born on a cold Saturday in Pittsboro, MS on December 3, 1932. Born at home on the kitchen table beside Great Grannie Russells big wood burning stove. They paid the doctor with a chicken. My grandmother Sallie Pearl Russell Gray named her Jimmie Lois.
Mom was a big baby girl. One of her early photos is her sitting in the grass wearing a diaper. She was smiling and the biggest chunk of a baby I have ever seen. Her early years were spent learning to shoot hickory nuts out of trees and plowing behind a cantankerous old mule and tending to chickens and little goats.
Mom attended school at Pittsboro where she met a blue eyed boy named David who was in the same grade as Mom. When Mom was 14, Grandma Sallie remarried and they moved to Memphis TN where Mom finished highschool. Young David dropped out of school. Or as he liked to tell me, he went all the way through school. He walked in the front door, walked down the hall and exited through the back door and that was in the 9th grade. That was about the time my mom moved. I will always wonder if he quit because of that.
After Mother graduated from Tech High in Memphis, Class of 1951, she worked as a telephone operator. And David was in the Army. He apparently had never forgotten Jimmie and while on leave he called her to see if she would meet him for a date. Mom said ok but that she had changed. She was bald and wore a wig, She had a peg leg and no teeth. She said he could pick her up on the some corner close by her house. David said he had a buddy do a drive by so that he could check her out and if he didn't like what he saw he was not going to stop. They drove by and he saw her standing there with one leg tucked under her dress so she did look like a one legged woman. Then she put her foot down and grinned with a full set of teeth. Mom said he jumped out of the car. Daddy just always said she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. I don't think the courtship lasted very long because they married on September 1 of 1951. I look at their early photos an all I see is absolute adoration.
Through thick and thin, hard times and good times, that same look of unabashed love is in my mothers eyes as she looks up at my daddy as I sorted through old photographs. After he died in June of 96, a piece of her died also. I often said that the day Daddy was buried, Mom was too. I found a poem that she wrote some time after he died and it spoke volumes about her last 18 years of living without him.
She withdrew to her little "Happy Valley" she called it, only leaving to go to the post office, the beauty shop and sometimes the grocery store. You would see her on the lawn mower or walking her dog or sitting on her front porch. But she would not leave often because home was where she felt close to Daddy. Eventually she had her errands run by me or my sister or one of the grand daughters as they came of driving age.
Mom wished to die at home, not hooked up any beeping machines monitoring her vital signs, not poked full of holes with needles and IV lines. We granted those wishes and pretty much just moved in as we cared for her 24/7. Life went on around her. School homework for Bella had to be done, Erin had to jump up and go on EMR calls leaving dinner on the table, we cooked all the meals at her house and the other family members came to eat there or just to visit and say I love you and keep her up to date on the latest goings on in town. We watched her television programs and sometimes she might let one of us have the remote so we could watch the programs we liked,,,,,but not often did she relinquish that remote. We welcomed the loving and caring hospice crew that came and helped us care for Mom for her final 10 weeks of life.
My sister and I have just lived through an amazing ten weeks of life. It has been a time of bonding, of sorrow, of laughter and of silent tears. It has been a time of adjustment as the person that once took care of us became the person that we had to to take care of. We had to learn that sometimes the words that came out really were not from her but from the horrible disease that was taking her from us. We learned that silence is deafening in the still of the night, and any change in her breathing would be cause for us to wake up suddenly. We discovered things about ourselves that we didn't know existed...primarily that we could function on little or no sleep and that we could not rest away from our mother much less rest in the same room.
Now that precious golden heart has creased to beat. The frail broken body no longer holds the spark that was Jimmie Lois. She is free of the shackles of earth and clothed in a glorious robe with a full head of hair and no more cancer and no more tears. I fully believe that the Lord came for her and upon arriving in heaven he pointed out a mischievous blue eyed man that came and took her hand and he said, "welcome home"...and she is.
As I left her grave site this afternoon, our little friend Michaela came and asked me where Grandmommie was. I told her she was in heaven with all the angels and my daddy now. She nodded and said, "yeah she has wings now Nonnie.' Michaela walked off and a tiny gray feather floated right into my face. I caught it and looked around. My husband and nephew were looking at me and I asked if they saw that feather just float down to me. They did. I know intellectually it came from a nest in one of the trees that were nearby, but I still think Mom was sending me a sign that she was near by. Michaela said she has wings, perhaps she does.
Call me crazy, call me grieving, I don't really care. You weren't there. I was. I love you Momma.
Moms feather |
Thursday, October 09, 2014
The Journey is finished...Mom has crossed into the Promised Land
We just sat there. Lisa and Nicole and Liz on the right side of the bed and I was kneeling on the left. Lisa and Nicole and I held Mom's hands and Liz was stroking her feverish brow. We each told her it was ok to go with the angels that we felt in the room. There was no noise, the silence was deafening as we listened to her ragged breaths as they came farther and farther apart. There was no tremble, no rattle..... just peace....as time stopped and her spirit was gone and all that was left was the shell that housed the most important person in our lives.
I realize as a woman/as a daughter, how lucky I am. She gave me and my sister life and we were there when that wonderful exquisite creature drifted out. It was hard for us to lose our mother/sister/grandmother. But it was the most precious moment of my life to be able to there and say goodbye as she ended her long hard fought battle. She is healed now and pain free and rejoicing in heaven with Daddy and her mama and all the others that have crossed over before her.
Her journey on this earth is over but her eternal life has just begun.
I love you Mama and I will always love you.
I realize as a woman/as a daughter, how lucky I am. She gave me and my sister life and we were there when that wonderful exquisite creature drifted out. It was hard for us to lose our mother/sister/grandmother. But it was the most precious moment of my life to be able to there and say goodbye as she ended her long hard fought battle. She is healed now and pain free and rejoicing in heaven with Daddy and her mama and all the others that have crossed over before her.
Her journey on this earth is over but her eternal life has just begun.
I love you Mama and I will always love you.
Wednesday, October 01, 2014
Living with Cancer part 8 The Suffering Madonna
through the magic that is the iPhone my sister created a beautiful portrait of Mom. Not one that mom would probably have ever imagined but in my artistic mind she is the Suffering Madonna. and Jesus loves our Mother just as much as he loves his own.
Proverbs 31:10-31King James Version (KJV)
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
King James Version (KJV)
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Finding Theology in cancer
Finding theology in cancer
As I spend my time with Mom during this time in her life, I can’t
help but have the nagging voices in the back of mind that remind of me of my
own round with cancer. Mine was not
remotely close to what she is going through now. For what ever reason, whether because of the
age difference, the stage of cancer or the location of it, our struggles and
fight with it are two diametrically opposed things. I have outlived too many
friends and relatives now that have also fought this same fight.
On the base level, I can relate to how to she felt when she heard
of the first round; of the cancer mass in her colon…First there is the
numbness, then the panic of just hearing the words, “you have cancer”. Then you
go into full blown crisis mode. But in Moms case she fought. She had the surgery, she started feeling
better, she had the hope for the cure and took the chemo and suffered through
all the things that chemo does. But then
her Hope for the Cure began to crumble.
She lost the weight she had regained, she felt horrible and was visibly
growing weaker daily. She was crying and asking questions of every doctor we
saw. There didn’t seem to be a concrete
answer. Until the day of the MRI… All it
finally took was one MRI and she got her answer. “You have two cancerous masses
in your brain. One deep in the right temporal lobe and the largest one on the
brain stem. There is nothing that will stop this.”
All of a sudden, those words shook our world again. All of our little neatly organized cubby holes and closets and nicely arranged desks become a house of cards that seem on the verge of collapse. Not only were we having to deal with the mental and emotional shock of the disease, but Mom had to start dealing with the big question that started looming: “Why ME Lord!” I have heard her scream it out of her inner most being. WHY? What have I done? What didn’t I do? What did I eat? What did I say? Was I bad?” My sister and I can only hold her hand and hug her and assure her that she was not bad. She doesn’t deserve this disease and the suffering that is racking her body now. And this is not some punishment. We don’t have any trite explanation for it. Sometimes you just have to say nothing at all and just listen…and pray…and sing…and pray.
All of a sudden, those words shook our world again. All of our little neatly organized cubby holes and closets and nicely arranged desks become a house of cards that seem on the verge of collapse. Not only were we having to deal with the mental and emotional shock of the disease, but Mom had to start dealing with the big question that started looming: “Why ME Lord!” I have heard her scream it out of her inner most being. WHY? What have I done? What didn’t I do? What did I eat? What did I say? Was I bad?” My sister and I can only hold her hand and hug her and assure her that she was not bad. She doesn’t deserve this disease and the suffering that is racking her body now. And this is not some punishment. We don’t have any trite explanation for it. Sometimes you just have to say nothing at all and just listen…and pray…and sing…and pray.
If you live in the South, all through your religious upbringing
you are taught that if you have lived the good and righteous life then all will
be fine. You will live to be a wise old person and die peacefully in your sleep
when your work here on earth is completed. But you know the dark thoughts will
start to sneak into your mind; “Maybe because I didn’t go to church every time
the doors opened. Maybe I didn’t give as much as I could of my time and talent
and treasure. I’ve tried to obey God’s Law. It’s NOT FAIR! Why can’t I have a
long, healthy, pain free life?” We sort of start sounding like Job did in the
Old Testament don’t we? Not only are you
dealing with pain, sickness, rollercoaster emotions, family and financial
worries, now you start to feel let down by Abba, Father! “My God, My God, why
have you abandoned me?” That’s just ole
Scratch trying to get into our brain.
The time comes that you have to kick that snake to curb and show him who
is boss.
Having cancer is the ultimate time for
spiritual growth. Yes, I just said living with a cancer diagnosis is the
perfect time for discovering the Theology of cancer. While you are struggling
with pain from surgeries and sickness from treatments and side effects from
medications, you are also working through the uncertainty and difficulty of
your life. Your whole routine of day to day is shattered. Your belief system
has to be realigned, rethought and refined. Old habits are set aside and new
habits developed. You start seeing God in a new light.
Our dear little Mother has endured her two totally different daughters ‘invading’ HER space and taking on the role of caretakers. It is a blessed role that both of us do not take lightly. We have a different relationship as a result of it. Still a few prickly moments when the exhaustion of each gets in the way, but the common goal is for the utmost care and comfort of our mother, physically and spiritually. We try to make sure we make things the way Mom has always liked them, when we cook: Potato soup without anything fancy added, coffee in her coffeemaker, not in the Keurig that I brought down for us to use. It was a sad day when we had to rearrange the den for the hospital bed (which she refuses to get in to) and other things. She was greatly disturbed and tried to figure out a way to keep the other chair and the coffee table in there. She finally gave up and said “just for a little while”.
Our dear little Mother has endured her two totally different daughters ‘invading’ HER space and taking on the role of caretakers. It is a blessed role that both of us do not take lightly. We have a different relationship as a result of it. Still a few prickly moments when the exhaustion of each gets in the way, but the common goal is for the utmost care and comfort of our mother, physically and spiritually. We try to make sure we make things the way Mom has always liked them, when we cook: Potato soup without anything fancy added, coffee in her coffeemaker, not in the Keurig that I brought down for us to use. It was a sad day when we had to rearrange the den for the hospital bed (which she refuses to get in to) and other things. She was greatly disturbed and tried to figure out a way to keep the other chair and the coffee table in there. She finally gave up and said “just for a little while”.
Your relationship with God takes on a new meaning when you have a
cancer diagnosis. And even more so when you find yourself as the caregiving
child of the parent that kissed all your boo boos and brushed the tangles out
of your hair and held your hand when you were too scared to go to sleep. She
has to be reminded daily to trust us as we tend to her needs, that she is not
going to fall, and to take the pills because one treats this and one does that,
and this one works on pain etc. The
Strong Mom is having to learn she is physically the weak one and she must trust
the weak ones that she raised and WE have had to realize that it’s time that we
must be the strong ones for the weaker one.
The disease becomes the catalyst to help you grow beyond just
thought and belief. You begin to search, to yearn, for the first time, what
your purpose in life is ultimately about. You begin to realize that God is
refining you. You are walking through the fires of purification. Soon He will
be able to see His reflection in you. You are becoming more spiritually focused.
No, the theological question, “Why Me Lord?” is not answered, but this new
found spirituality does create an intimate connection with the Source of all
being. You find that you have become more heart sensitive, more attentive, more
thankful for what you have been given. You start living in the present, not in
the past that can’t be undone, and not in the future for which you have no
control. You start to see how special the rising sun is and the glorious moon
and the billions of sparkling stars that fill the indigo skies at night. You
cherish the sounds of the drops of rain from the eaves and the chirping of that
morning song bird that sits on the fence outside the window you can see from
your chair.
You find peace through the quietness of
sitting in the softly falling rain and the gentle breeze as it wafts through
the colorful changing leaves of the trees in the early fall. You see the
prayers of thanksgiving that nature provides as each plant is beginning to slow
down its growth preparing for the winter sleep and waves its leaves toward the
heavens. You slowly come to gain
the knowledge that the path to God can be found in the beauty of His creation
through nature and the music and art and poetry that it inspires. You see the
face of God by looking into the faces of others and see His love. You finally
realize that a relationship with God is not dependent on church doctrine or how
well you have memorized the scriptures or how intelligent you are. Rather it is
how you experience God in others and in His creation. He is showing you the
multitude of blessing He is giving you.
After finding out you have cancer, you
find that you are able to make do. You simplify your life and concentrate on
what is dear to your heart. You live for the present and work to forget the
past guilt and angers. You learn that you have the choice of how to respond to
this ‘crisis’. You can get mad or you can get depressed, and you will. You aren’t
human if you don’t. I can’t speak for my
sister, but I can honestly say I have my bouts of anger that our Mother is
suffering through this horrible brain cancer and yes I plead for her healing
and release from pain. But I also choose to remember that Christ’s
Gift of Love for us was to suffer on the cross so that we could have our home
with Him in heaven.
When I was diagnosed and cured of breast cancer I eventually embraced
it as a gift of Grace that brought me closer to God. This time with my Mom is
also, and it’s making me rethink a lot of things about my life. Mom is looking forward to the day she will be
pain free and unencumbered by the weight of this body that no longer does her
bidding. She sings hymns and asks Lisa
to play them over and over again. She
prays without ceasing, even in her slumber, she whispers prayers. I know that I would not call her cancer a
gift. The gift has been being able to
have this precious time with my sister and her and caring for her so intimately
and ultimately as she makes her way to the end of her earthly life. She knows she raised two strong, spiritual women. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
That my friends is how I find theology in cancer.
VT-K
Living with Brain Cancer part something....
In the wee hours of the morning, I could not sleep. Mom was resting and I was restless. I heard a noise and decided to follow it. She swears she saw a rat or mouse the size of a cat a few nights ago. Thinking I would find such a critter I went through the house listening for the sounds I heard earlier. I turned on an over head fixture and the bulbs started blinking at me. first one would flash, then the other. As I walked under it to look up at the bulbs wondering if it had a loose wire or the bulbs were going to blow, they both stopped blinking and were bright as could be. I was standing in front of Moms Bombay style chest. Sitting on this chest is a photo of our Daddy and other little things that remind us him. A shrine of sorts you might say. The chest is full of photos from Moms birth to the grandchildren and every thing in between. Instead of opening the top drawers I pulled open the bottom drawer. The lights blinked....one time. I saw closed boxes. I pulled out one of the boxes. the lights blinked again....one time. I opened the box and this is first photo I saw. Then the lights blinked again. Several times and stayed bright. I have never seen this picture before. And it shows how my parents felt about each other. I would like to think my Daddy was leading me to find that one picture. Then this morning after Lisa arrived and I came home....I heard a crop duster diving into a nearby field....yeah, Dad is close by. Lisa Tedford Norwood said Mom heard it too and said the same thing.
This journey we are on is a hard one in one sense and an empowering in another. Taking care of the most special person in my life has been an honor. No regrets , no tasks to much. It's been an honor somehow doing for her when she couldn't. , helping this classy woman in my eyes pass from this life with dignity and grace. . She has taught me strength and love and kindness that has no end. My time with her has been such a blessing , each day bringing me closer to God.walk step by step , acting only in faith sometimes , we are not unseen by the Father. Those who trust in The Lord will renew their strength ; they will soar on the wings like eagles ; they will run and not grow weary ; they will walk and not faint . Isaiah 40;31. On quiet moment like now she hears an ag plane like daddy used to fly over the house. A tear comes in her eye as she says. He is sending a message he's near. Play the song again please. I have decided to follow Jesus. . So we sit her in the quiet together. Playing hymns. Tears rolling down her weak little face. Hands in the air praising God. Asking to go home. But her mansion is not complete yet . We cherish every second left. And sit here with the window open so when the time comes her spirit can fly toward Heaven . I love my mom with everything that is in me. Pray for peace and comfort. Life is like a vapor ........ Here one minute gone the next .God Bless
Friday, September 26, 2014
Living with Brain Cancer part 6
We have to take the time out to breathe. We put our thoughts up on facebook. People can read if they want or they can choose to not too. either is ok. We welcome comments and we understand when there aren't any. This is a raw thing to live through and everyone has those raw moments in their lives. This is how we are handling it. It might seem silly at times, it might be gut wrenching, it might be we want to share the spirituality of it all. But it helps both my sister and I to be able to put our thoughts down and 'out there'. and I'll bet a lot of folks didn't even know we had a theological or a philosophical bone in our bodies.
Vonda Tedford Keon
Vonda Tedford Keon
Mom has had trouble
regulating her body temp. We are constantly tucking multiple blankets on her.
Lisa brought her a soft electric tonight. Mom is all snuggled in it and resting
now.
Tonight I ask for all
of my praying friends to please remember my family especially my grandmother my
mother Lisa
Tedford Norwood and my auntVonda Tedford Keon as they are the primary care givers for
my sweet dear little angel of a grandmother that they are all surrounded with
gods grace and loveing arms as this journey keeps on going and doesn't seem to
get any better but worse for us all and especially for God's loving arms to be
wrapped around my grandmother and each and everyone of us for we don't know how
much longer we have with the precious little lady that I'm able to call my
grandmother I ask for strength for each one of my family members peace and
comfort also for each of us and for her also we just have to remember that God
can get us through it all
September
19 at 10:08am · I don't praise my brother in law, Jon Norwood
( Lisa Tedford
Norwood) very often. Being nice to each other would ruin our
reputations! LOL. But I've got to give him some kudos today. Lisa called him
and asked him to look for a super small electric blanket for Mom. He found one
that is as soft as butter and the perfect size. She snuggled up under that
thing last night and had the best and most restful sleep she has had in a long
time. She woke up this morning feeling good. I heard that sweet little voice
saying "Good morning Vonda. I slept so good. Can I have some coffee."
ya done good brother.
Tonight is my night to
stay at home while my sister and I swap out for the weekend. Mom had a great
visit with one of our dear long time friends from our Tupelo days. Sue Shaw-Smith came and brought Mom a big box of
chocolates and they reminisced about when the kids were little and how 'sassy'
one particular little short blonde child was(not calling any names but she
recently got married). Mom was in a lot of pain but she laughed and laughed as
she and Sue caught up on things. She later said she really appreciated the
visit from Sue and the effort it took for her to drive all the way here especially
since Sue didn't feel too spiffy herself. We love you SSS.
Lord have mercy, I'm
having withdrawals from spending the nights with Mama! I might just have to go
down and make my sister share that couch!
Oh sweet Jesus! There
is no sugar in this house! That is going to be an apocalyptic event if I don't
get some quickly!
·
Erin Keon We've got packets
·
Vonda Tedford Keon At mom's
·
Erin Keon Oh.
·
Erin Keon You aren't home?
·
Vonda Tedford Keon I just came in an got a little. That's
why the dog bArked
·
Erin Keon Oh, good. I got worried.
·
Lisa
Tedford Norwood Haha. Forgot to
tell you.
·
Vonda Tedford Keon Went through withdrawal in my coffee.
·
Lisa
Tedford Norwood I had those
packets of natural sweetener .
·
Vonda Tedford Keon Noooo. Sugar. Must have suuuuuugaaaaaar
Mom just asked me why
she keeps trying to use her left hand all the time when she has always been a
"righty". I've noticed that she has been trying to use the left hand
more since this all began. One tumor is in the right side of her brain and the
right side controls the left side of the body (Confusing isn't it) . There is a
power struggle going on in her noggin!
Wonder if there are
classes or tips on how to lift a person . When you already have bulging disks
and spinal stenosis like I do. It's a killer. Vonda Tedford Keon and I are both in pain. Help !!! There
has to be a technique we can
Use to make it better. Any suggestions ????
Mom had a pretty rough day.
The roles my sister Lisa
Tedford Norwood and I have to play is trying. We wear so many hats, nutritionist,
chef, housekeeper, CNA, pharmacist, physical therapist, waitress, receptionist,
soda jerk, personal shopper.... then there are times we have to run
interference and maybe bouncer when we see her getting tired. The men in the
family have taken on the roles of groundskeepers, Mr. Fixit, shoulder to cry
on....the grand-daughters roles are go-fers and sitters and emotional boosters
and givers of hugs. The one thing all of us do is pray for Mom and each other. We
don't know what lies around the corner or what tomorrow will bring. We do know
that each day, hour, moment with Mom is precious whether its spent talking with
her on the phone, or brushing her little velcro hair, making her brownies or
milkshakes or a gourmet meal, or catching a few zzzz's on the couch beside her
while she is sleeping fitfully in her recliner. I thank the Lord for her time
on this earth and the love and wisdom she has shown us. She is a precious
jewel.Use to make it better. Any suggestions ????
My sister was born
first but I'm the oldest. Ha. Had to put my car in the shop this morning and my
crazy red headed sister in her 2005 mustang gives me a ride back to moms. So
get this visual. Both of us are wearing back braces from having to
Lift mom. So I open the door. Oh God do you know how far down those bucket seats sit on the ground. So I slide down , shut the door and Red gives me the ride of my life. Windows rolled down , Elvis up loud , lol missed a gear and off we went. I'm
So short all you could see was my white hair and eyeballs. Big eyeballs !! She was flying. I told her she was gonna get a ticket. Hmmmp she says , I drive like my daddy. She took moms driveway on 2 wheels then slid that thing between those 2 poles . I covered my eyes a screamed. OMG we laughed till we about peed. 2 old women in Back braces trying to hang on to our youth. Woohoo let's go again Nonnie !!!!!!
Lift mom. So I open the door. Oh God do you know how far down those bucket seats sit on the ground. So I slide down , shut the door and Red gives me the ride of my life. Windows rolled down , Elvis up loud , lol missed a gear and off we went. I'm
So short all you could see was my white hair and eyeballs. Big eyeballs !! She was flying. I told her she was gonna get a ticket. Hmmmp she says , I drive like my daddy. She took moms driveway on 2 wheels then slid that thing between those 2 poles . I covered my eyes a screamed. OMG we laughed till we about peed. 2 old women in Back braces trying to hang on to our youth. Woohoo let's go again Nonnie !!!!!!
come along for the ride Sissie! I promise it will be something you will never forget! Don't forget the Depends and the back brace!
Yes I WAS born first
but my sister has always been the more 'sensible' cautious one. What can I say.
I am my father's child.
I'm not the same
person I was a year ago , I'm not even the same person I was a day ago. Neither
is my sweet mom . Reversing the role of care taking between a parent and a
child is a life changing thing. Rewarding at times but painful at most. This is
one of those days when the way you're mom has been all your life will never be
again. But my sister and I have chosen to embrace what we have today and let go
of what we can't change . Life is like a vapor .........
If anybody is going by
Kroger I need some Blu Bell strawberry Ice cream and bryers peach ice cream.
About the only thing left mom will drink are these milkshakes. You'd be an
angel If you would pick me some up. Mom
Would be happy . Please let me know. If you can.
Would be happy . Please let me know. If you can.
13 hrs ·
TBT. This is what Love
looked like in 1951. !!!!!!
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